Pee stinks

July 22, 2008

I hate using a urinal right after someone else. I can always smell their disgusting pee, and it makes me feel sick. Some people have some pretty potent pee, and I don’t think pee is generally regarded as a smelly thing. Sure, urine in general isn’t something you want to snuggle up next to, but people seem to forget that pee is pretty gross and it smells.

Paint the urinal yellow

November 21, 2007

Urinals are usually white. Pee is usually yellow. One of my favorite things to do is to spread my pee all over the inside of the urinal so that what was once white is now covered in a fading shade of yellow. It’s quite fulfilling, especially when my pee is really yellow, and especially when there’s a lot of it. Painting the urinal yellow is one of the many things that makes being a guy (and having a penis [and peeing while standing up]) fun.

Pee in a bottle

November 2, 2006

When I was in high school, I was the smartest person on earth: I kept a plastic Gatorade bottle next to my bed in case I got the urge to pee but didn’t feel like getting out of bed. The first few times I used it were slightly awkward because I had to get used to the fact that it was ok to pee while laying down. My body was used to holding it in until it saw a toilet. Plus, there was the whole gravity issue: I needed to make sure my dingy was pointed in the right direction, otherwise I’d get pee all over the friggin place. After I got the hang of it, it was a wonderful experience. Instead of getting up to pee in the middle of the night and ruining my peaceful slumber, I just grabbed the bottle from under my bed and pee’d in it. Instead of getting out my nice warm bed and peeing in a toilet that was inches from my sisters’ rooms, I just pee’d quietly into my bottle.

Cleanliness was sort of an issue though. I always got grossed out when I had to carry my bottle full of pee to the bathroom to dump it out. Talk about a gag reflex. And washing the bottle was sort of pointless because it would just be filled with pee again anyway. So after a few weeks, I started to feel a little uneasy about storing this dirty, smelly, old Gatorade bottle right near my head. Eventually, I gave up the practice for bacteriological reasons, and haven’t returned to it since. Plus, I don’t pee as much as I used to, so it’s not much of a problem. However, last night I thought about my old Gatorade bottle as I was lying in my warm, comfortable bed with a sudden urge to pee. I miss you, pee bottle!

Pee in the shower

September 21, 2006

Yep, I pee in the shower. So what? What’s the big deal? I bet a lot of people do it. And why shouldn’t they? It seems “gross” or “unclean” at first, but when you think about it, it’s not that big of a deal. Pee, poop, sink water, and shower water all go to the same place: Your septic tank or the sewer (depending on which system you have). They all go down drain pipes and eventually combine into one big drain pipe and exit your house/building. It’s not like shower water gets reused or something. Plus, if you know anything about plumbing, you’d know that the insides of drain pipes aren’t exactly sanitary in the first place. Yeah ok, so maybe it’s “not cool” to have pee on your feet, but it gets washed off eventually. Having poop on your feet is a different story because it involves E Coli and other sorts of deadly bacteria. But we’re not talking about pooping in the shower here. We’re talking about pee. Just some liquid your body wasn’t able to use. I’m usually dirty when I enter the shower in the first place, so having a little excess “dirt” in the water isn’t that big of a deal. Join me in peeing in the shower. It’ll greatly improve the quality of your life.