Spit through pee
March 15, 2007
As a male, I’ve been blessed with one of the best conceivable things on the face of the planet: The ability to pee standing up. Other males completely understand. Women don’t quite get what the big deal is.
Besides the whole the-world-is-my-toilet argument, here’s another reason why this is so great: I can spit directly through my pee stream. Written down, that doesn’t sound all that glamorous. But let me tell you, it’s awesome. And I have no idea why.
Literally every time I pee, I stand there with my head facing slightly down and let a wad of spit come dribbling out of my mouth so that it crosses right through my stream of flowing pee. Usually, spitting is reserved for special occasions, like when I hack up some phlegm or when I want to get that last bit of flat Coke out of the back of my throat. But for whatever reason, spitting while peeing feels as natural as breathing.
And I’m not alone. I always notice other people doing it. It’s not that I stand around in the bathroom and watch people pee. I use my peripheral vision, and I notice kids, teenagers, and grown men all doing it. It’s like some sort of hardwired response to a specific stimuli. It can’t be explained. It just must be done.