Accidental farting

November 28, 2006

Quite possibly my biggest fear in life is accidental farting. I’m a champion of farting, but everything has its place. I fart at work and in other potentially embarrassing public places, but I usually make an effort to make it quiet or otherwise mask my involvement in the affair. But as I’m quietly squeezing out some hot air, I can’t help but think of the worst thing that could possibly happen: I accidentally push too hard or misjudge the size of the air pocket, thereby producing an audible blast of anal noise that can neither be ignored nor mistaken for anything other than a big old fart. I also get this fear when I do anything physical near other people. I go to a martial arts thing every Monday and Wednesday night, and I have to hold in my post-dinner farts. Other guys let them out silently, but the smell sure isn’t silent. And nobody owns up to it, so everybody is forced to choke on an anonymous fart as we all try to figure out who it could be. And as I exert force or use any energy, I have to always be conscious of what’s going on in my bowels. Is a fart trying to get out? How close is it to getting out? What do I need to do to make sure it stays in there? It’s a big issue for me.

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8 Responses to “Accidental farting”

  1. raLph Says:

    what a post! 😛 hilarious! 🙂

  2. divide Says:

    Hey, what can I say? I’m a genius.

  3. happychick Says:

    As long as you keep telling yourself that… :p

  4. nenaca Says:

    lol….is this not something everyone fears…you got me cracking up

  5. curlyq Says:

    Once in 8th grade during the presidents physical fitness test I was doing, well attempting to do my sit ups, and I farted. Now you have to remember what type of floors the gyms had…hard wood. So that air pocket echoed off the floor and into the rafters above…needless to say I did’t pass the test.

  6. bubblicioushunni Says:

    omg! I remember one time, ina gym class i was taking in middle school, we here doing “v sit ups” and if you have gas, you really dont want to be stuck doing those, but you do them so quickly, sometimes you can hold it in, well, i could feel it in the pit of my stomach, and figured i would be fine, lol, and I went p, and grabbed my feat, and right there, in the middle of the gym, I let one rip… luckily we are pretty close together, and everyone looked at me… Inoccently,and accidentaly, I pointed to my boyfriend… ( he is a twin, and at the moment i got them mixed uplol) everyone laughed!! I told everyone later…nononono… it wasnt tyler, it was travis…. my boyfriend laughed SO hard… and everytime people questioned him, he said, no, i dont know… it wasnt me…I just smirked, and thought to myself “smartass”

  7. fart-a-conscious Says:

    thanks for the post.now, i know that im not alone out there..im so conscious about farting that i fart because it’s in my consciousness n not in my sub-consciousness anymore.i cant even stay over at a friends place without thinking ‘what happens if i fart in my sleep’ that i actually do..i feel so suicidal sometimes and a lot people are not as forgiving as you might think ..i dont know how i am gonna go thru life like this that i just feel like ending it here..but of course then there’s those long than always moments when i forget about it and it’s for those moments that i choose to stay in this time…


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