November 20, 2006
Quite often, I’ll be sitting on the toilet doing my business, and right after a log drops out of me, I’ll get an uncomfortably cold jet of water right in my anus. Splashback. It’s inevitable, but it doesn’t happen every time. The only thing I can think when it happens is, “Is this water that’s entering my body through my anus clean? Would I let it enter my mouth? Would I insert it into any other bodily orifice and let it co-mingle with my blood and other bodily fluids?” The answer, more often than not, is no. And that scares me. Toilet water isn’t evil by itself. It’s just like normal water. But it sits in a toilet, which usually hasn’t been cleaned for several days/weeks. And even if it has been cleaned, it’s still a toilet that regularly accepts urine and feces, as well as the occasional dead bug and feminine hygiene product. I sometimes find myself justify the cleanliness of the toilet water depending on where the toilet is located. A public bathroom like the one at work – 0 out of 10 stars because it’s a dirty, poop-filled toilet shared by multiple users. But my bathroom at home: 3/10 stars because it’s a relatively clean toilet that’s only shared by me and my wife. I don’t know why the scale even goes up to 10; it’s not like there’s a toilet that could ever possibly get a 10 out of 10, except maybe a brand new toilet that’s never been used. But even then, it’s a toilet, and toilets carry this karma that makes them unable to ever be completely sanitary, no matter how new or old they are.
So anyway, I get a little grossed out and concerned when I get splashback while pooping. But up to this point in my life, I haven’t developed any major sicknesses or diseases as a result of it (that I know of).