Stall sounds

September 26, 2006

I don’t think it’s acceptable for people to make noises while they’re doing their business in a bathroom stall. I’m not talking about farting and splashing and semi-unavoidable noises like that (although those are also highly discouraged). I’m talking about grunting, heavy breathing, and whispering. I just got back from the bathroom, and some guy was in a stall making noises suggesting that he was giving birth. Like Tom Arnold says in Austin Powers, “You’re gonna blow out your O-ring.” Don’t push so hard. And even if you do push hard, try not to make it so painfully obvious. Try to maintain some level of decency.

I mentioned whispering in a stall. Maybe this is only something that weird or freaky people do, but I’ve definitely heard people whisper while in the stall. I don’t know if they’re coaching themselves or thinking about something work-related. Either way, whispering shouldn’t be a noise heard behind the stall door.


8 Responses to “Stall sounds”

  1. jericbilo Says:

    I’m guilty of whispering. that’s because I sometimes answer the phone when I’m in the can.

    I trying to ween myself of answering the phone all the time.

  2. curlyq Says:

    Why must some people talk to you while you are doing your biz in the stall? I think that there should be a rule that if we do not talk outside of the stall then you shouldn’t feel the need to talk to me when I am in the stall. There is this lady at work who chats up a storm with me while in the ladies room. Talk about making me freeze up…how the hell can I do my stuff if I now am being forced to think of the recipe for the cake that I baked for the office 2 years ago!!!
    I think I might be in love with this blog…ohh the freedom!!!

  3. divide Says:

    Talking on the phone while on the can is absolutely forbidden. I’m sorry sir, but you should be shot or at least given a wedgie and a swirly.

    Women be talking. Stall talk doesn’t usually happen in guys’ bathrooms, and for good reason. That’s something that can get you knifed or even worse, killed.

    And oh yes, isn’t freedom great! Say whatever you want. No one will ever know because no one knows who you are. Ah, blog comment anonymity.

  4. curlyq Says:

    Anonymity is the BOMB!!!
    So I just feel like sharing now. I am girl and I fart and I enjoying farting. At times I even give myself a dutch oven and then giggle at how bad it smells!!
    I also enjoy burping. I REALLY love it!! I love the really powerful ones that make you feel like you just lost 5 pounds. I have even picked my nose…yeah I said it…so what. I was like 12 when I did it…but still I don’t care!!!
    Of course I do none of these things in front of anyone, I am a lady after all LOL.
    They are all my little secrets that I will now share with Divide, Happychick & Jericbilo…and whatever man I can find to put up with me ; )

  5. happychick Says:

    What’s a dutch oven? On second thought- I just ate toast, so I’ll probably read the reply later on when it won’t make me so squeemish. And yeah, us girls do the farting and burping and picking of the nose… Always have, always will. It bothers me that all these years of evolution haven’t enabled men to deal with it. 🙂

  6. divide Says:

    A dutch oven is when you fart under the covers in your bed and don’t let the harmful vapors escape, thereby producing a cloud of noxious fumes in a very small area. It can be used quite successfully as a terrorist tactic by forcing an unsuspecting bystander (spouse, friend, cat, etc.) under the covers where they’re forced to take several deep breaths of the foul smell.

  7. curlyq Says:

    It is a total power move!! Whoever has to smell your “noxious fumes” is within your control. Of course as I said I do these to myself…so I am in a constant battle with myself for control. I clearly have issues.

  8. Thomas Wayne Says:

    I used to work in a corporate building where a lot of people had to share a multi-stall bathroom. I didn’t mind if people answered their cell phone while I was in there. Likewise, I hope they didn’t mind if I ripped one outloud while they were talking. 🙂

    Speaking of annoying people in bathrooms, there was an e-mail forward that said:
    Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
    It sounds like a great time, but I usually don’t have a cantaloupe in the bathroom with me…

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