Burner

June 12, 2006

I hate yet love when I get a case of the burners. You know what I’m talking about: When your farts come out so fast and loud that they burn. It’s hilarious and entertaining, yet it’s oddly uncomfortable and painful. I just had one in the bathroom. It totally took me by surprise. I was just washing my hands, and then out came a booming fart that echoed around the room! It was awesome, but then I realized that I practically blew out my o-ring. It’s truly amazing how much gas can come out of such a small opening in such a short amount of time. I’m an engineer, so I know a little about pressure, flow, and velocity. The compression and subsequent acceleration of air through a turbine engine is what enables jets to fly faster than the speed of sound. If only we could harness the power of the anus. For now it’s just a force to be reckoned with; a restless evil, desiring to do harm and leave death and destruction wherever it goes. Cursed be the anus, that formidable yet funny orifice!

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