Coffee poop

April 13, 2006

I’ve noticed that drinking coffee usually produces a nice poop. I’m not completely sure why. I’ve heard that caffeine can act as a diuretic, but I have no evidence to back that up. It might be me: I use creamer/milk and I’m lactose intolerant. But lactose intolerance usually means gas, not poop. So I’m stumped as to what causes the nice poop, but it is in fact nice. It almost feels like coffee provides a lubricant. But it’s not a messy lubricant. It’s invisible and does its job simply and effectively. So if it’s been a while since I’ve pooped, sometimes I’ll drink some coffee to get things moving. I highly recommend it.

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11 Responses to “Coffee poop”

  1. happychick Says:

    You really look at your poop? Well, I assume this is a very important issue in your life as you post about it quite frequently. Good luck with your poop lubricant. xx

  2. divide Says:

    I didn’t say I look at it. I said I “notice” that coffee produces a nice, clean, easy poop. It’s more about the feeling, less about the actual look.

    But yeah of course I look at my poop. I’m like an animal. Looking at my poop is an affirmation of my manhood and my present level of health. Who doesn’t look at their poop?

    • kathleen Says:

      i always look at my poop too. although since i’m female, it doesn’t affirm my manhood. i really hate those toilets that flush if you move…then you can’t look. my children are disgusted if i ask them about their poop… like you SHOULDN’T look or something!

      poop has important information for us. why else would doctors ask you to bring in smears at times?

      i could tell when my son was cutting a new tooth because of the quality of his diarrhea!

      another thing that will make you poop like crazy [although not so pleasantly] is dried apricots. try that site, it’s so hilarious i thought i would expire on the floor from laughing!

  3. yibidi Says:

    Lactose does actually affect pooping!! My brother is very lactose intollerant and if he has milk or any milk based product he craps like crazy!!! I am lactose intollerant too but I am affected differently with skin allergies. Coffee can also make a person poop being a
    diuretic. It is the cafine that does that but it is most likely to make a person pee more so.

  4. jm Says:

    i have an imodium with my morning coffee. works for me.

  5. helmerman Says:

    I have definitely noticed that coffee makes me poop… interesting, isnt it? It’s like coffee is supposed to do that, and it’s this unspoken thing among coffee drinkers. It’s like if you drink coffee, then you’re part of this club of taking nice big morning poops, and all the coffee drinkers get together in the office and drink their coffee and smile at each other and nod, knowing that each person will soon be taking a satisfying poo. Notice how hardcore coffee drinkers act- they always ask new associates, “are you a coffee drinker?” As if to see if they are part of the intimate circle of office friends. Its a special time of day when the office workers can get together and have that connection between each other, through the most primitive form of human nature, and it allows a rare moment for people to forget the hustle and bustle of the modern world.

    Then again, maybe not.

  6. Adam Winnett Says:

    I also notice that Coffee makes me poop a lot. One time I had a coffee in the morning and I crapped a gerbal. It might have been something related to what I had been doing the night before, but I truely believe it was from the coffee. I don’t know how the gerbal got in my cup of coffee but sure enough, there it was! I also notice that coffee makes me gay.

  7. Michael Says:

    Thank you for bringing this subject out into the open. You have inspired me to start working on my website, CoffeeMakesMePoop.com.

  8. KS Says:

    I definitely drink a large coffee every morning. I have it black, black, black. No cream. No sugar. In my experiments over the last year, this is what I’ve learned for me:

    1.) The coffee has to be hot. Iced coffee does nothing for me.
    2.) I’ll usually start to feel the strain of having to crap about 1-2 hours after I drink the coffee
    3.) If I don’t drink any hot coffee, I have zero urge to poop throughout the day.
    4.) Caffeinated soda, or other caffeinated energy drinks do zero to help with the pooping process, for me.
    5.) It’s usually a very large poop, sometimes consisting of two separate pooping sessions separated by an hour or so.

    All I know is this… Every time I drink hot coffee (seriously… every single time), I’m about to pop from having to poop shortly thereafter. Sometimes, before I’m even done with my 20oz black coffee. And you really feel can feel it coming on too. There’s something in coffee itself that triggers this urge in my body. I rule out dairy from this research project, for now. I’m not saying that dairy won’t make a lactose intolerant person poop. But, for the sake of research, there’s also something in coffee too. Like I said, I drink only black coffee. And it has to be hot for it to work …for me.

  9. Jeremy Says:

    thank you for your dedication to this important subject. I have been pooping now for over two decades about the last decade of which have been coffee induced pooping sessions. I look forward to reading of your future studies. Sincerely yours in pooping, Jeremy

    • ROSE Says:

      A DEFINITE MYSTERY…NEVER DRIN COOFEE WITH COCOA FAR FROM THE BATHROOM…BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT…IS IT ME OR THE AGE OR THE LACTOSE IN THE SKIM MILK..I DO NOT KNOW…IT MUST BE BECAUSE I AM GETTING UP THERE IN AGE….THE COFFEE DEFINITELY TASTES BETTER WITH COCOA JUST ONE TEASPOON EACH WITH SKIM MILK…YUMMM


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