Public farting

June 22, 2006

I was with a group of people last night, and one of the guys farted once when he laughed. Everybody heard it, but nobody said or did anything about it. I was mortified. I couldn’t look at him because I knew how he felt. It’s happened to me in the past: You fart accidentally in front of other people, usually during a lull in the conversation or when you try to switch positions. It’s the worst thing ever. If it’s around your friends, you can joke about it and have a good laugh. But if it’s around not-so-close friends, it’s completely different. He did what anyone would have done: He said, “Excuse me” and pretended like it was all part of the equation. The person who was talking kept talking, and we all continued to listen and laugh at what he said. It was excruciating.

But then there are those people who knowingly fart in public and treat it like it’s an acceptable thing to do. I hate those people. True, farting is natural and everyone does it. And I’ve heard that extensive “holding-it-in” can cause some permanent problems or something. But that doesn’t give anyone the right to fart whenever they please. Farting is disruptive, it’s a distraction, it stinks, and it’s usually funny. And it doesn’t make everything ok if you say, “excuse me” or “pardon me” after it. You can’t just go around doing that in public places because you don’t have the common decency to hold it in or walk out of the room and do it. And this is coming from me: The biggest proponent of farting on earth.

11 Responses to “Public farting”

  1. happychick Says:

    I have this friend, whom I love dearly, and he blows his nose in public. It’s really gross coz you can hear the snot leaving his nasal passage and going onto the tissue. To make it SO SO much worse, though, HE SHOWS PEOPLE. He shows them. It is so repulsive, I dry0rech just thinking about it. ick.
    (Oh yeah, that was kinda irrelavent to your post)

  2. divide Says:

    That was irrelevant, but you make a good point. People shouldn’t be blowing their nose in public, especially if it’s chunky and you can hear each and every booger exiting their nostrils. It’s gross. It should be done in the privacy of a bathroom or other secluded place. Amen, sister.

  3. Everyman Says:

    sure, none of those things are polite or even close to decent but it is common and what both of you need to realize is that this world where interacting with others in publc and all those damn social settings, it is bound to happen, it’s like yawning but for some reason it ain’t big of a deal. but if there are those who are just plain rude, i suggest you laugh it off and tell them to walk out of the room the next time it happens and for them to say excuse me to leave the room and not after a fart ;-)

    if only everyone knew how it felt like…

  4. happychick Says:

    I think I got the first two lines, but the rest is lost on me. You’re either drunk, or I am severly dyslexic. Interesting point, though.

  5. Garlic Fart man Says:

    So if an intentional anal sneeze is a public sin and moral crime punishable by humiliation and a loss of respect how do you feel about those snobs who publicly :

    yack loudly on the cell phone
    swear and cuss, especially in front of children
    act rude toward waitstaff
    forget to wear deodorant for the past several days
    breathe heavily from their unbrushed rotten trash flavored mouth in close quarters. you know the befouled vapors passing from those with irritable sphincter syndrome..

    blech.. can a fart that slips out really be that hideous in comparison ?

  6. happychick Says:

    Yes, yes it can. Because, unless you are laughing so hard your bowels move violently and you anal sneeze, there is no excuse- you can feel a fart coming on. And hence, you must leave the public area.

  7. divide Says:

    By farting around other people in public, you’re doing those people a disservice. You’re disrespecting them. You’re saying, “Hey jerks, I hate you and don’t care what you think. Now take a deep breath and feel the wrath of my bowels.” It’s the same with bad breath and B.O. And I can see your point with the first 3.

  8. curlyq Says:

    I honestly think that people who are on the train that talk on those Nextel walkie talkie type phones should get a ticket. Not only do I have little interest in what you are talking about, I do not want to have to listen to this little “churp…beep…churb….beep” inbetween your stupid ass conversation. People are idiots…we all need to run the world. I don’t want a big title or anything. Maybe just like “VP of Good Ideas and Shoes”

  9. pat Says:

    hey its ok 2 fart i do ever 10 min. its alright 2 do it in public just go 2 an area where no ones at.

  10. Mike Hunt Says:

    Sorry dude, but I fart in my cubicle all day, every day. I can’t help it. I’m a farter, I always have been, and I imagine I always will be. I can’t be getting up to go the head every time I need to unleash some methane. It’s just not gonna happen. Nor can I hold it in, which would be enormously painful. Now, if some dude comes to your house, sits on your couch, and then lets a smelly one rip, then you have good reason to bitch and moan. But in the office, it’s every man, and every woman, for him and herself. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is. I do what I have to do to get through the day. I fart. Deal with it. Hear my farts, you peasant, hear them in all their reverberating glory, and revel in the putrid nectar that is my pungent, rancid gas.


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